How to Talk to Strangers

As human beings, it seems our self-consciousness builds up as we get older. We close off to new people because we think they may reject us. A situation makes us uncomfortable so we turn our backs and run the other way. Our pure intentions to strike up a friendly conversation get overshadowed by our fear that others are judging us. This can muddy our wonder and creates a barrier for us to confidently introduce ourselves and be OK in our own skin.

But think differently the next time you have the opportunity to meet someone new—take your lead from the kids on this one. Watch a child’s enchantment with another child. It is genuine and straightforward.

Fight the urge to wait for others to come introduce themselves to you. Be brave with your initial “hello.” There are ways to get that conversation off the ground.

When in doubt, go with the FLOW:

(F) Family—This is an easy topic for most to discuss. People typically love to talk about themselves, so draw it out of them with simple questions such as: Where do you and your family live? Where did you grow up? If you know they have children, ask about recent family vacations or plans for the summer.

(L) Leisure—Don’t be scared to lead with something about you. Often, this encourages people to feel more comfortable and talk a bit about themselves. “We went to the Bronx Zoo this weekend. I haven’t been in years. It was so amazing. Have you been there recently? (Other person answers.) No, well I highly recommend it. What did you do over the weekend?”

(O) Organization—Talk about groups you are involved in and ask the other person what he or she does outside of work—whether in the community, church, synagogue, alumni associations, professional networking groups, PTA. We spend so much time talking about our jobs that changing up the normal work banter and asking about outside organizations is usually a welcomed change of pace.

(W) What’s in the news?—Obviously, some things are off limits. Religion, politics, things that have a clear divide, no distinct right or wrong, things that aren’t black and white. Stick to interesting articles you read, like the top 20 new restaurants in your particular city or big pop culture topics, and the major headlines.

Take the pressure off of an initial introduction. Go in with the hope of meeting someone new and interesting. Reach out your hand, say, “Hello,” and ask the other person his or her name. Then go with the FLOW.